Facing Grief Head-On: A Stoic Approach

Numbing or avoiding grief may feel easier in the short term, but the Stoics knew that true healing comes from confronting our emotions.

STOICISM BLOG

3/6/20242 min read

“It’s better to conquer grief than to deceive it.” —SENECA
“It’s better to conquer grief than to deceive it.” —SENECA

“It’s better to conquer grief than to deceive it.” —SENECA

Modern Translation: It's healthier to work through your grief than to pretend it doesn't exist.

Questions

  • True or False? Have you ever tried to ignore or repress your grief?

  • How did avoiding your emotions ultimately impact you?

  • What does it mean to you to "conquer" grief?

Simple Explanation Grief is a natural and necessary part of life. While it's tempting to avoid the pain, the Stoics would argue that trying to suppress or deny grief only makes it worse in the long run. Facing our emotions head-on allows us to process them, heal, and move forward.

Deep Dive Seneca himself was no stranger to grief, having experienced exile, the loss of loved ones, and chronic illness. Yet, he advised: "Give sorrow words; the mind, when shut up, chokes; it needs an outlet through which to breathe."

This aligns with Epictetus' view on resilience: "Circumstances don't make the man, they only reveal him to himself." Difficult emotions like grief are part of the human experience, and a Stoic sees them as opportunities to build inner strength and understanding.

Marcus Aurelius, in his Meditations, emphasized the importance of accepting the impermanence of life: "All that we see...will very soon be completely changed." This understanding provides perspective during grief and reminds us that even the deepest pain will eventually pass.

Applicable Situations

  • Loss of a loved one

  • The end of a significant relationship

  • Major life setbacks (job loss, serious illness, etc.)

Action Items

  • Allow yourself to feel your emotions without judgment

  • Express your grief in healthy ways: talk to a friend, journal, exercise

  • Seek support from a therapist or grief counselor if needed

Modern Connections The phrase "toxic positivity" speaks to the modern tendency to repress painful emotions. True healing means allowing all our emotions to exist, with the knowledge that they are temporary. The five stages of grief model (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) illustrates the non-linear process, as emphasized by Stoic philosophy.

Athletes who push through serious injuries to "play through the pain" may seem strong in the moment, but the Stoics would likely admire those who prioritize long-term health. True inner strength means listening to your body and being honest about when you need rest and recovery.

Movie characters like John Wick from the eponymous franchise, while engaging in extreme violence as a form of "grief," do illustrate the point that ignoring our emotions can lead to harmful consequences both for ourselves and others.

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